some rough recordings for the time being...though i spent ALL WEEKEND doing this. so much for being a good student :)
www.myspace.com/katewass
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
trying to make the moments last
"the avalanche" (listen to it with headphones, only!) by sufjan stevens is an important song to me. the album it is on came out while i was studying abroad in costa rica. and since i was old-schooling it for four months with a portable compact disc player, tyler sent the cd to me in the mail, just in time for me to take it on a bus trip with sara to puerto viejo on the east coast. it was a peaceful weekend, and a beautiful ride, largely because of the jungle passing me by, but also because of this song, which i fell in love with. consequently i listened to it a lot during my time in CR. now when i hear this song, i am reminded of the beauty i experienced there...in nature, with clouds and oceans and mountains and greens and flowers, and also in the moments when i felt deep Comfort, which were poignant and weighty during a semester that was much a solitary and piercing time.
"come on, stone, come on, star
come on, snow, come on, car
come on, hand, come on, feet
come on, face, come on, street
come on, state, come on, song
move it fast (take it up), move it along (the ohio river)
come on, life (take it up), come on, lord (take it ever)
make it right (to the mississippi), make it yours."
these days i am filled with deep, deep longings. my prayers seem endless...for my patients, for my family and my new nephew, for my purpose here, for new friends, for my community in lawrence, for my roommate, for my music, for the world and its people. and this is a difficult time in life right now...i am often reminded of my unworthiness, my weakness and humanity.
tonight, i got to sit outside by our pool and read by the light of my headlamp. there was a cool breeze that made it perfect shorts and t-shirt weather. and the sky above was covered in clouds...gray canopies under a black sky, the occasional star peeking out. listening to this song, among others, i was reminded of the simple beauty surrounding me, the gift, and of the comfort that rushes to my side when i am crying out. i felt like a child, imagining the stars winking at me, and telling God that i know You are with me. but my heart knows, feels no other Truth. and my prayers are easily continued with the song:
God, make it right; make it Yours.
there is so much Life around us...struggle and pain, weeping and questioning..victory and joy, singing and learning. would you make it all yours. would you help us live as those who have been brought from death to life, as those not under the law but under grace.
these moments help me remember. love to you all.
"come on, stone, come on, star
come on, snow, come on, car
come on, hand, come on, feet
come on, face, come on, street
come on, state, come on, song
move it fast (take it up), move it along (the ohio river)
come on, life (take it up), come on, lord (take it ever)
make it right (to the mississippi), make it yours."
these days i am filled with deep, deep longings. my prayers seem endless...for my patients, for my family and my new nephew, for my purpose here, for new friends, for my community in lawrence, for my roommate, for my music, for the world and its people. and this is a difficult time in life right now...i am often reminded of my unworthiness, my weakness and humanity.
tonight, i got to sit outside by our pool and read by the light of my headlamp. there was a cool breeze that made it perfect shorts and t-shirt weather. and the sky above was covered in clouds...gray canopies under a black sky, the occasional star peeking out. listening to this song, among others, i was reminded of the simple beauty surrounding me, the gift, and of the comfort that rushes to my side when i am crying out. i felt like a child, imagining the stars winking at me, and telling God that i know You are with me. but my heart knows, feels no other Truth. and my prayers are easily continued with the song:
God, make it right; make it Yours.
there is so much Life around us...struggle and pain, weeping and questioning..victory and joy, singing and learning. would you make it all yours. would you help us live as those who have been brought from death to life, as those not under the law but under grace.
these moments help me remember. love to you all.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
blog life does not represent real life.
so, a lot has happened since i last posted! time is definitely passing quickly...let's just really name it for what it is, though - i am just not great at blogging.
oh, well. there has been plenty going on in my life here to keep me busy. let's be organized about it, shall we?
new people:
so, since being here in houston, i've met quite a few people. at the beginning, i mostly met other teach for america people that katie knew from institute. it has been interesting getting to know them and hear about the craziness of inner city schools - and they are a fun bunch! particularly close are our neighbors, joe and brenan, who live in an apartment right across the parking lot. they are an amazing pair, so kind and warm, and i love when we get to share meals together every once in awhile. they are so easy to be around.
past that, it was really hard for awhile to find those social opportunities. i always knew it would be difficult out of college, but i just hadn't experienced it until now. plus, i have been part of an amazing community of friends for the past four years. however, it has slowly come our way, with some effort and some ease. katie and i have been attending worship services on sunday with a larger church called ecclesia, and trying out different small groups that happen during the week around town. one that we went to the past two weeks has felt the most like home for me so far. the first night we went, i found a people of whom many i immediately connected with and felt comfortable with. there is a structural element of these groups that has been different (in a hard way) than house church - namely that it is more bible study dialogue, and less prayer. for whatever reason, though, that was easier for me to get past with this group. i think that i have found some really cool people, and i have been joyously surprised to find that intimacy with others can happen rapidly - praise God! i am excited to see how these relationships further as katie and i get more settled into daily routines.
on top of that, i've made several attempts to throw myself into the music scene...whatever that means. i am just craving to play with others, for others, and to write more music. this is something i've needed...always wanted, for that matter. and, it's something i'm still figuring out. i got a last-minute opportunity to play at our saturday morning farmer's market a few weeks ago, and it was a blast - definitely felt like home (though with lots more sweating). i also played an open mike night with a hilarious group of middle-aged hippy musicians...i don't even need to tell you how amazing that was! haha. and though i didn't talk with derek webb when i saw him play a show (at ecclesia, for free!), i thought about it... right now, i just want to focus on writing more of my own stuff. i might even create a myspace sometime! oh goodness.
anyways, the blessings of new people abound, even if slowly. i am so grateful.
work:
speaking of new people, work is continually becoming a place where i feel comfortable, and particularly excited about the people i work with. my co-intern, marilyn, has been a huge blessing in just getting to experience the TIRR internship together. she is a riot. i also get to know more therapists, nurses, and staff each day, and love feeling solidarity and community with them. in particular there are two janitorial staff members that are the sole reason i am still getting the opportunity to speak spanish - i absolutely love them. and while i still experience some frustration with my supervision, i know that i am still learning a lot, and will be a good therapist when i leave.
a couple weeks into the internship, when things were still pretty hard, i decided it was time to start a practice of recounting the best parts of my day on my bus ride home. every few days or so now, i type into a notepad on my little ipod touch about blessings at work - big or small. most of them are about my patients, and the rapport i get to build with them, their personalities, their struggles and their gains. i have definitely felt the weight of my surroundings numerous times...for instance, this one 18 year old boy is still "locked in" [his body], meaning he is still not verbalizing much, though it's clear he is "in there" - when his personality gets to come out every so often in smiles and facial expressions. he got in a car accident, and is now rehabilitating all function - basic movement and strength, standing -for two minutes- without his blood pressure going whack, speaking/uttering noise, you name it. the thing is that his family is from louisiana, so they can only come visit him every other weekend. if i were in his place, i would definitely want my momma by my side every day! and, because of his limitations, he is not able to functionally socialize much with other peers in the hospital. i co-treat with speech therapy, trying to get him to functionally use a communication system or speak, but often i feel like my biggest service to him is just normalizing his environment - listening to li'l wayne and dancing goofy a little bit. anyways, his is just one of the many heartbreaking stories around me. but i cannot tell you how Glad i am, to get to be an advocate for them, to get to be part of their journey of healing. from an insider's perspective, it has been disheartening at times to realize that there are people within the hospital system that let their own issues get in the way of providing care that is in the best interest of the patient (but that's a story for another day)...i am sure there will be more as time passes! i love my patients.
old people:
not the elderly, but friends i already know and love from kansas! came and visited katie and i! last weekend! it was glorious, and SO needed.
(sorry, ker)
kerrie, nicole and jon drove (bless their hearts) 12 hours each way to stay with us for 3 days over the holiday. we ate great tex-mex, showed them the city and our respective work places, took them to the shops we frequent, swam/relaxed, and just enjoyed each other's company. it was a beautiful time, a purely Fun weekend, and even healing/rejuvinating in some ways. when they left, i felt a peace over my heart that i hadn't felt in awhile. thank you three for coming!
...
well, i think that's enough update for now. before i say nighty-night, i leave you with this thought: don't you think that the song "casimir pulaski day" by sufjan stevens is oddly reminiscent of the movie/book "a walk to remember" plotline(book by nicolas sparks, movie with mandy moore)??? man, 7th grade - i cried all four times i saw that movie. let me know your thoughts on this subject.
peace and love to you all.
oh, well. there has been plenty going on in my life here to keep me busy. let's be organized about it, shall we?
new people:
so, since being here in houston, i've met quite a few people. at the beginning, i mostly met other teach for america people that katie knew from institute. it has been interesting getting to know them and hear about the craziness of inner city schools - and they are a fun bunch! particularly close are our neighbors, joe and brenan, who live in an apartment right across the parking lot. they are an amazing pair, so kind and warm, and i love when we get to share meals together every once in awhile. they are so easy to be around.
past that, it was really hard for awhile to find those social opportunities. i always knew it would be difficult out of college, but i just hadn't experienced it until now. plus, i have been part of an amazing community of friends for the past four years. however, it has slowly come our way, with some effort and some ease. katie and i have been attending worship services on sunday with a larger church called ecclesia, and trying out different small groups that happen during the week around town. one that we went to the past two weeks has felt the most like home for me so far. the first night we went, i found a people of whom many i immediately connected with and felt comfortable with. there is a structural element of these groups that has been different (in a hard way) than house church - namely that it is more bible study dialogue, and less prayer. for whatever reason, though, that was easier for me to get past with this group. i think that i have found some really cool people, and i have been joyously surprised to find that intimacy with others can happen rapidly - praise God! i am excited to see how these relationships further as katie and i get more settled into daily routines.
on top of that, i've made several attempts to throw myself into the music scene...whatever that means. i am just craving to play with others, for others, and to write more music. this is something i've needed...always wanted, for that matter. and, it's something i'm still figuring out. i got a last-minute opportunity to play at our saturday morning farmer's market a few weeks ago, and it was a blast - definitely felt like home (though with lots more sweating). i also played an open mike night with a hilarious group of middle-aged hippy musicians...i don't even need to tell you how amazing that was! haha. and though i didn't talk with derek webb when i saw him play a show (at ecclesia, for free!), i thought about it... right now, i just want to focus on writing more of my own stuff. i might even create a myspace sometime! oh goodness.
anyways, the blessings of new people abound, even if slowly. i am so grateful.
work:
speaking of new people, work is continually becoming a place where i feel comfortable, and particularly excited about the people i work with. my co-intern, marilyn, has been a huge blessing in just getting to experience the TIRR internship together. she is a riot. i also get to know more therapists, nurses, and staff each day, and love feeling solidarity and community with them. in particular there are two janitorial staff members that are the sole reason i am still getting the opportunity to speak spanish - i absolutely love them. and while i still experience some frustration with my supervision, i know that i am still learning a lot, and will be a good therapist when i leave.
a couple weeks into the internship, when things were still pretty hard, i decided it was time to start a practice of recounting the best parts of my day on my bus ride home. every few days or so now, i type into a notepad on my little ipod touch about blessings at work - big or small. most of them are about my patients, and the rapport i get to build with them, their personalities, their struggles and their gains. i have definitely felt the weight of my surroundings numerous times...for instance, this one 18 year old boy is still "locked in" [his body], meaning he is still not verbalizing much, though it's clear he is "in there" - when his personality gets to come out every so often in smiles and facial expressions. he got in a car accident, and is now rehabilitating all function - basic movement and strength, standing -for two minutes- without his blood pressure going whack, speaking/uttering noise, you name it. the thing is that his family is from louisiana, so they can only come visit him every other weekend. if i were in his place, i would definitely want my momma by my side every day! and, because of his limitations, he is not able to functionally socialize much with other peers in the hospital. i co-treat with speech therapy, trying to get him to functionally use a communication system or speak, but often i feel like my biggest service to him is just normalizing his environment - listening to li'l wayne and dancing goofy a little bit. anyways, his is just one of the many heartbreaking stories around me. but i cannot tell you how Glad i am, to get to be an advocate for them, to get to be part of their journey of healing. from an insider's perspective, it has been disheartening at times to realize that there are people within the hospital system that let their own issues get in the way of providing care that is in the best interest of the patient (but that's a story for another day)...i am sure there will be more as time passes! i love my patients.
old people:
not the elderly, but friends i already know and love from kansas! came and visited katie and i! last weekend! it was glorious, and SO needed.
(sorry, ker)kerrie, nicole and jon drove (bless their hearts) 12 hours each way to stay with us for 3 days over the holiday. we ate great tex-mex, showed them the city and our respective work places, took them to the shops we frequent, swam/relaxed, and just enjoyed each other's company. it was a beautiful time, a purely Fun weekend, and even healing/rejuvinating in some ways. when they left, i felt a peace over my heart that i hadn't felt in awhile. thank you three for coming!
...
well, i think that's enough update for now. before i say nighty-night, i leave you with this thought: don't you think that the song "casimir pulaski day" by sufjan stevens is oddly reminiscent of the movie/book "a walk to remember" plotline(book by nicolas sparks, movie with mandy moore)??? man, 7th grade - i cried all four times i saw that movie. let me know your thoughts on this subject.
peace and love to you all.
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